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Help ! I lost hope !

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Help ! I lost hope !

Message par zed le Mar 10 Fév 2015 - 2:24

Hello everyone !

Thank you for reading my story.
I'm a 27 moroccan girl, here in U.S since 2010. I've left morocco for the obvious reasons : homophobia, religion, the constant fear, and having to be always secretive.
I met the love of my life in summer 2013, and we've got married last summer.
My family doesn't know anything about my orientation neither my relationship with my wife.
It was great, until the family decided to join me. It's been 6 months, my 2 parents and 2 brothers came here and hell begun !

I'm living in hell, torn between my family who doesn't understand and doesn't accept the fact that I spend the knight at my "friend" and my wife who doesn't accept the fact that I have to spend some knights a week at my parents.
For an arab, muslim family, it's not acceptable for a girl to live under another roof if they are all in the same city.
Fighting became an everyday thing for me. Everyone is so desappointed in me. My wife want me to come out, but...
I'm really scared, if I come out i have 3 scenarios :
- My family force me to go back to morocco so i can get "help"
- My family doesn't want to speak to me anymore
- I kill my mom from a heartattack, she is cardiac and very ill. And she is also a very religious person (my dad too)

I don't see me winning in any of theses scenarios.

I want to change city, go to west coast so i can be as far from my family as possible, but my wife refuses, she says that i have to assume who I am, she doesn't want to run.

I tried to kill myself 4 months ago.

I really need some advices

“ Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common ”

Age : 30
Ville : Casablanca
Inscrit le : 24/10/2014
Nombre des messages : 7

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Re: Help ! I lost hope !

Message par homonyme le Mar 10 Fév 2015 - 2:49

You don't need to suicide, take that chance to show the world how strong independent woman you are.
I think I'm too young to give you advises, but just know that, you don't need to come out to your parents, you don't need their acceptance, and you don't even need to follow your wife's orders.
Be free, go somewhere you feel good, it's your right (In US more than anywhere else  Wink  ) to be happy, don't let it pass.

with love,

Age : 22
Ville : rabat
Inscrit le : 31/12/2014
Nombre des messages : 243

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Re: Help ! I lost hope !

Message par attenuer le Mar 10 Fév 2015 - 8:15

I'm sorry that you're going through this. It has to be difficult but I think you're going to have to make a hard decision. I'm guessing your wife is out to her family and is most likely not Moroccan or Muslim and doesn't understand the need for your sexual orientation to be hidden.
If this woman was just your girlfriend, I would say that it's not necessary for you to come out to your family and she should make an effort to understand your position. But, you're married and I think one's spouse is entitled to have a say in the decisions that one makes after marriage.
This is just my opinion and there are more than two options, so just give it time and you will find a solution. It won't be easy, but please don't try to kill yourself. You are loved kiss & you have the right to live the life that you want to live. Good luck

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within - James Baldwin

Age : 22
Ville : NY / Rabat
Inscrit le : 21/07/2014
Nombre des messages : 34

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